For a long time, I didn’t set goals. Even in a sea of bullet journals and planners and New Year’s Resolutions, I couldn’t find my way to concrete goals.
It wasn’t because I didn’t know what I wanted, but because I was so afraid of putting them on paper and then failing. In many ways I still am.
Fear of failure isn’t a reason to stand still.
Yet, that’s exactly what I found myself doing: standing perfectly still in my life. Not in real life of course. In real life, the part you see, I was doing the things I’m supposed to do. I was taking care of my family and showing up at church. I bought birthday gifts and smiled at holidays. I was doing life.
But there were things inside. Things I longed to do. This type A girl wanted to set goals and check them off. I wanted to have resolutions and keep them. I wanted to be the one who got it all right. And the idea that I could possibly get it wrong paralyzed me.
I was living life as a statue because I was so afraid that I'd move the wrong way. Click To TweetEnter, bullet journals.
I love the idea of a bullet journal. The ones on Pinterest look so beautiful and perfect. Especially with the grid paper. What more do I need to get my life all lined up in neat little boxes?
I longed for my life to fit in a bullet journal, but life never seemed to work that way. #bulletjournal #bujo Click To TweetFeeling inspired, I would start thinking about what my bullet journal would look like.
It would be beautiful.
There’d be sections for my day and meal planning and kid activities and books I want to read and books I’ve read.
There would be habit trackers and writing brainstorms and business plans.
And of course, all of it would be artfully decorated and lovely.
My life in neat squares with illustrations. It sounded perfect.
But then I got to thinking. I’m not really artistic. Actually, I’m not artistic at all. Coloring in the lines is stressful for me, never mind freehand designs that would perfectly illustrate my perfectly boxed life.
And what about those boxes? What if I missed one? What if I set a goal and didn’t get to color or check or mark that box? And how was I supposed to mark it anyway? What were the rules?
Suddenly, the idea of bullet journaling took my life from squared away to chaotic indecision. And the good Lord knows I don’t need any help in that department.
I was so busy dreaming of what I wanted and my imaginary failure at achieving it that I never did anything. I stood still like a child’s staring game just hoping that everyone else blinked before I did.
And I was tired.
So I’m blinking. I’m moving. I’m letting these stiff bones do something, anything. Even if it’s wrong. Even if it’s simple. Maybe a beautiful bullet journal isn’t realistic, but a simple gratitude journal is. Sometimes consistent simplicity is better than complicated ups and downs.
No goals will make you perfect and no planner will transform your life. Only one thing can do that, and even in all the perfection-seeking, goal-fearing, indecision, He already is.
How is God transforming your life today?
I liked the idea of a bullet journal, until I read about them. They can get quite complicated! Sometimes an organizational system adds too many layer to whatever they are supposed to be organizing. I tend to stick with my once or twice a week list of things to do and add whatever doesn’t get crossed off to the next list.
I agree! I think people need to do whatever works for them. And bullet journals are not it for me! I love a good list though!
I never had one and I’ll never get one. I keep a planner of sorts – but really just to keep track of what I did do vs what I should have done. I like being able to look back and say, “I colored my hair on March 23.” “I got a haircut on March 30.” But to-do lists? No!
Love this!
I think people are drifting away from its true purpose with all the artsy, expensive stuff. Ryder Carroll only used pen, notebook.