I’ve never been great at friendships.
Even as a little girl I was trying so hard to prove my never-quite-enough-self worthy of being liked that I was simply too much. Being too much and never enough is a hard place to live.
As an adult I’ve spent lots of time pondering friendship. I have my inner circle — my people. They see my too much and never enough and love me anyway. I like to think I love them well, too.
But there is this wondering about how “real” friendship looks. I think about best friends and groups of friends and girlfriends that go on getaways together.
And yet again I find myself in seasons, stages of friendships.
There are the people who are mine. My husband, my kids, my parents and siblings. Those are my best friends and my people forever.
The other people in my life are different.
There was the girl I played with on the playground when I went to daycare. We were happy to simply have someone to go on the swings with.
And there was the friend in high school who nearly lived at my house. We were together a lot, navigating hormones and heartache with large quantities of junk food.
My college friend was one of a handful that walked out the years of becoming with me. We learned to be adults and how our faith needed to be our own.
Later came the blur of early motherhood friendships, when you were connected simply by the fact that you were both changing diapers or handing out goldfish crackers.
Even as an adult there was a friend for a season, one that helped me learn to trust others, but more importantly myself.
No matter what season of friendship I was in, even when I thought I was lacking, I was never alone.
In The Brave Art of Motherhood Rachel Marie Martin reminds us that, “you may have potential friends who are just waiting for you to say yes to friendship.”
She challenges us to be aware, in motherhood or whatever journey we may be on. In order to really do this we need to believe that we are worthy of friendship.
Your life matters, and you are worth believing in yourself. You are worth daring to have faith and hope again . . . You are worth being loving and being loved.
Rachel Marie Martin, The Brave Art of Motherhood
Understanding worth is a key to walking out our journey well. And all along the journey we discover that motherhood and life, for that matter, is an art and requires bravery.
Martin shares her journey challenging us to be brave in our own lives. But even with all the underlining and notes I made as I read her book, I know one truth that was left in the periphery:
My brave doesn’t just come from me.
My brave comes from God.
My brave doesn't just come from me; my brave comes from God. Click To TweetIt comes from faith in His promises. And while I have to do the work my story is no bootstrap gospel. My story will forever be one of falling on my knees before moving my feet.
How will you find your brave today?
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Rebecca, I have found friendships to be a continuing journey by which people weave in and out of my life. Each played an important role in my journey and I pray, likewise, I did in their journey. You are right – our brave comes from God – the one friend who sticks even closer than a brother; and this keeps me on my knees before Him. Blessings!
God is our ultimate friend, isn’t He?! He is so full of love for us, it amazes me!
I agree completely that friendship is complicated. And it takes time.
It’s easy to transfer our dependence to friends (or family… or coffee!) and to forget that the real “brave” we need to get through each day comes from God and His Word, front and center in our lives.
It is easy to look to other things for our brave. I often look to my family. But you are so right — Our brave comes from God and His truth in our lives!
Yes, friendships are so very crucial to our ability to be brave, Rebecca! I was just with a group of young women last night. We were gathering to talk about how to create space for God in our day, but I could see the strong friendships that were a part of these women’s ability to make that happen. One of them even talked about how accountability was so important to her. Thanks for sharing this inspiration, my friend! I’ll be pinning and tweeting!
Oh this right here, Rebecca, is such a hopeful invitation to climb out of our comfort zones –> ‘you may have potential friends who are just waiting for you to say yes to friendship.’
Thanks for this thoughtful reflection on the morphing of our relationships.
Beautiful …
Great review, Rebecca! I loved reading all the accounts of your childhood and young adult friendships. And to ultimately discover that God is our Rock in all our relationships…so true. Blessings!
It’s easy to lose track of that truth, but when we remember it brings so much joy!
Rebecca,
My brave comes from knowing that God has gone ahead of me and prepared the place to which I am going – whether it’s a physical location or a season in life. My job is to claim my identity and worth in Him alone and then go looking for who He may have put in my path. I have learned, early on, that often friendship begins with me extending the olive branch. So many of us, myself included, are afraid to put ourselves out there, but when we do, I believe God blesses our act of brave trust. Not every person we approach will become a fast friend, but each “No” we get, gets us one step closer to a “Yes”!!
Blessings sweet writing friend,
Bev xx
You are exactly right, Bev! Love it!
This is so good, Rebecca. Even though we may struggle with friendships, we need to remember that we are never alone. I too can think of friends I had in each season of my life. Some have stayed and some have not. I think as women we agonize over friendships more than men. My hubby’s friendships seem to revolve around golf matches and sports. I loved this line: “Being too much and never enough is a hard place to live.” I am struggling right now watching this in my oldest grandson. He comes on too strong trying to impress potential friends, never confident that he is enough just as he is. It’s heartbreaking!
That must be hard to watch. I know that you are making a deep impact on him by being there and praying for him!
Making friendships, as adults especially, can be challenging. It takes an investment of time, and most of us are so stretched with our time already. Thanks for these reminders, Rebecca!
Pinned and tweeted.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
It does take investment. And that can feel hard. But I’m learning (slowly) to ask God for wisdom with all things, even how I spend my time.
My brave definitely comes from God! I’m pretty lazy and happy to sit on the sidelines on my own. I don’t have a lot of close friends–I gravitate towards those who are like me and can pick up and leave up a friendship at the same place. I might not see a best friend for a year or two, but when we get together it’s as if no time has passed.
That’s such a gift, to have friendships like that!
Rebecca, I was that girl too. Too much, not enough. My whole life, lol. I found my acceptance of myself only in my 50s. My brave comes from God, so beautifully said.
So much good comes when we keep seeking Him, no matter what age we are when we learn 🙂
I don’t always know who my friends are. It helps if they come out and say, “Can we be friends?” Or “I’m so glad your my friend!”
Isn’t it funny how we sometimes need that? God is so good to give us people.
I have a few friends that have endured – for decades. They are a gift but they are rare. I think most friendships are for a season (and they are a gift as well). However, I’m most often guilty of trying to make all friendships last a lifetime. I do it by squeezing the life out of the friendship. And the friend. It’s not pretty – but I’m learning. Learning to enjoy friendships for the season God intended!! (and all my friends breathed a sigh of relief!)
I so greatly appreciate your honesty here! I do the same thing (and I thought I was the only one!) It is such a relief to know I’m not the only person who does this. And that we can learn to accept the seasons God has for us, whether it be in friendships or life. Thank you, friend!
Hi, Rebecca.
This post speaks to me in so many ways. I long for deep friendships with women, but have had only a few intimate friendships in my life. Whether it’s my more introverted nature that keeps me from participating in relationship or the tendency to limit myself to a couple of close relationships at a time, this is a curious area for me. I think friendship-like any important relationship-requires intentionality. I’m grateful that no matter my faults or flaws, God is always a friend I can depend upon.
Peace and grace,
Tammy
Sounds like we are very similar! Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s hard to navigate this sometimes (at least for me), but it is so good to remember that God is the friend we all need most.