I caught myself today. Much like recently when I was brushing my teeth, except this time I was out for a walk.
Today the thoughts were running ahead of me. (Even when I manage to be quiet, sometimes the thoughts run like that ticker at the bottom of the news screen, never-ending and lacking the substance you really need.) They were rolling one into another through all the things I wasn’t doing.
That’s when I realized, I want to eliminate one word from this one-sided conversation.
Every thought was like a passive aggressive loved one, passing judgement without really saying what they mean. Luckily I caught it early, this time.
Are you ready for the thought?
I should be running.
Did you catch the word?
It’s sneaky and seemingly benign. Here, I’ll help.
I SHOULD be running.
Do you want to know what those six letters really said?
You’re not enough.
You’re not doing enough.
You’re lazy.
You’re out of shape.
You’re hopeless.
You’re never going to be better than you are.
You’re not enough.
No matter how hard you try, there will always be more. The word SHOULD carries so much implication for who think you are, who others are, who you’re not, who you want to be.
SHOULD is like a great ruler we hold up to measure and remind ourselves of our lack.
But what if there is no SHOULD?
What if we could choose? I am or I am not.
What if you eliminated SHOULD from you vocabulary? Imagine the freedom! Share on XWhat if that’s enough?
I am not running.
It just is. It’s a choice. It’s a fact. There is no judgement lurking, no head shaking tsk, tsk, no excuse.
I am not running. FACT.
I should do the laundry becomes I am doing the laundry or I am not doing the laundry.
I should volunteer again at church becomes I am volunteering today or I am not volunteering today.
I should cook instead of get takeout becomes I am cooking or I am not cooking.
We live our lives mentally punishing ourselves for the ways we think we miss the mark, when we are the ones holding the ruler and deciding what good is.
It’s time to let go. Time to be okay with our choices. Time to stop trying to be and instead just be. It’s time to let go of what we think we should be and embrace who we are.
Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are is a 20 day devotional that will help you accept the truth of who God made you to be.
Combining personal stories, scripture, action steps and prayer this book will help you believe all the amazing things God says about you.
Check out these great sites I’m linking up with: Literacy Musing Mondays, Purposeful Faith, Tea & Word Tuesday, Abounding Grace, Tell His Story, Porch Stories, Let’s Have Coffee, Worth Beyond Rubies, Moments of Hope, Tune in Thursday, Dance with Jesus, Fresh Market Friday, Faith ‘n Friends, Blogger Voices Network, Grace & Truth, Heart Encouragement
Funny how one little word can make such sh a difference. How one little word can conjure up guilt and anxiety. But it can. No more “should-ong” myself. Or others.
Yes! Imagine the gift it would be to ourselves and others!
Ugh. *Should* is my downfall in many a sentence to myself. Thanks for the reminder to give it a rest! 🙂
So many of us struggle here. Praying for grace for all of us in the process 🙂
Oh, I loved this post, Rebecca! I am sharing it with my son. He sometimes beats himself up with “shoulds”. I “should” stop saying that word! No, I “will” stop saying it! 🙂
YES!!!
Have you heard of the podcast “Shut the should up?” About this very thing. laurensparks.net
I haven’t! I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for the recommendation!
I learned about the dangers of ‘should,’ ‘would,’ and ‘could’ while reading up on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I make a point to not use the word on myself, nor on other people. I’ve learned to ask, “Have you considered___?” rather than saying “You should___”.
What a great what to shift the language to something more positive!
Great post! I think I need to use this word a lot less !
Thanks, friend!
Praise the Lord
I am all for setting goals and striving for more, but sometimes that little word just slays the enjoyment of whatever IS!
It sure does! We always need to find that balance.
Hmmm … this is great food for thought, Rebecca. “Should” puts a lot of unnecessary weight on us, doesn’t it ( and on those we say it too)? I’ve never looked at like this before, so thank you!
So grateful for you, friend!
Rebecca,
Funny thing…just before I decided to click on your post, I said to myself (in my head), “I should be reading my Bible instead of reading blog posts.” I had just pushed through the self-inflicted guilt trip when I read the meat of your post. I am not reading my Bible at this moment. I am reading your very timely post. I wholeheartedly agree…throw out “should” and “ought to” along with it. We never enjoy what we ARE doing if we always think we SHOULD be doing something else.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Isn’t it amazing how God works?! LOVE this! So grateful for you!
I get into the trap of the “I should be…” too, and “should” definitely is a word I want to eliminate! I never really though about all of the “I’m not’s” that are attached to the should’s we put on ourselves. Great post, an important and necessary reminder, especially, during this busy Christmas season!
Thanks Cheryl. It’s an easy trap to fall in, for sure. So glad we are there to help one another out!
Rebecca – What a refreshing post. I agree we need to eliminate the word should. I try hard to do that, but it creeps back in. This morning I was using it. Thank you for sharing with Grace & Truth Link-Up. It is definitely a truth we all need to practice.
It is a sneaky one! So glad we can encourage one another!
Hi Rebecca! I never thought about how insidious and detrimental the word “should” is before now! Wow! That is so true! I love how you turned the phrase into simply a statement of fact. “I am not running today”.
The best thing I can do is to ask the Lord “what would you have me do?” And then obey. He may just say, “Be still Karen” and that is indeed good enough.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Yes! Asking God in every step makes all the difference!