Standing at the stove, stirring spaghetti I wanted to cry.
My son needed help with his homework, my daughter was reading me a book for school and the phone started ringing.
I stopped to answer the phone and in those two minutes the water boiled over, my son was banging the table and my daughter was asking what a word was. I could think of a few words, but I’m guessing none of them were in her leveled reader.
Multitasking, juggling, coordinating. Call it what you will, but for me, it means one thing: stress.
I’m not good at keeping ten things in the air. Never mind doing it with a smile on my face. Apparently, I’m good at dropping the ball. Or maybe even a couple. And doing this day in and day out was making me feel like a failure. Not just in one area, but in every area.
Ever been there?
What if we weren’t really meant to do it all?
I know that sounds crazy in our high-speed world that twisted the message of you can be anything to you can be everything. I know it’s crazier still in this world that praises more, more, more and forgets about doing our best.
Let’s look at that dinner disaster again.
Can I make spaghetti without burning it or overflowing water? Yes.
Can I listen to my youngest read a book? Yes.
Can I help my son with his homework so he’s less frustrated? Yup.
How about answering the phone? You bet.
But can I do them all at once? Not a chance.
I may not be able to keep all the balls in the air, but I can pick each one up, one at a time, and give it the best of me. And when I give my best to that one thing you can bet I won’t have things crashing down around me.
Maybe I won’t get as much done.
Maybe I won’t be able to be Superwoman.
But maybe next time I stand crying at my stove I won’t feel like a failure.
And maybe that’s all that matters.
This topic has been on my mind a lot, especially as my husband and I finished reading a book called Deep Work by Cal Newport and he discusses how impossible it is to do truly meaningful work when our attention is divided and we are prone to so much distraction. I especially get distracted when I multitask while having a conversation with my husband. I miss the heart of what he’s sharing and often important details too because there’s no way I can give 100% to two different tasks. We live in a culture where multitasking is celebrated and we feel pride in being able to juggle multiple things, but the quality and our relationships suffer. I’m learning to single-task when possible. It’s hard because I feel less productive, but often times, there are more important things in life than crossing off a to-do list
It’s so hard to navigate, isn’t it? I love that you and your husband are working on it together. That books sounds great. I’ve heard of Newport before and it sounds like he offers great help!
This is beautiful, Rebecca. It’s better to get less done than feel like a failure. I need to remember this too when I’m trying to watch the news, read blogs, and have music in the background. 🙂 I just can’t do that either. I can read a book and fold clothes though so I’ll keep that one. lol. Multitasking is a myth I believed for awhile, but it’s interesting now to see it debunked. Hope you’re doing well and staying safe.
Reading a book and folding clothes?! Wow! that is a talent I do not possess!
So good, Rebecca. I heard Dr. Caroline Leaf, a leading neuroscientist say on a video, multi-tasking is not really something we can actually do. Our brains aren’t wired to do a bunch of tasks at once.
Love your story and your ending. We don’t have to be a superwoman or even attempt to multi-task. We can just do one thing at a time and give it our best.
It’s so good to know science has my back on this one! LOL I think that last part you said is key, especially when we give our best for God in each individual thing.
It’s such a struggle to be single-focused, but one I’m focused on tackling. I get stressed and snappy when too many things are going on at once. Sometimes, it’s inevitable, but as much as I can, I’m trying to set aside blocks of time for important things instead of bunching them together. I’m also trying to put my phone down significantly more, as it’s one of the bigger causes for me feeling pulled in multiple directions! Thank you for sharing – such a good reminder!
It is hard, isn’t it? I find it even harder now with everyone home all the time. My kids are distance learning through our school district and it seems there are questions that pop up all day long! I’m so grateful for this time with them, so I’m trying to shift how to navigate these days!
Yep! I identify. Too many balls and some get dropped. Many years ago, after the birth of my second son, I was very overwhelmed. My husband helped me learn to cope by writing down four good, funny, or positive things that happened each day. He realized that I was looking at the entire day through the lens of one or two negatives and ignoring all the positives that happened.
What a great tip from the Hubby! I love the encouragement to change the lens we look at our day through!
I love this so much. The freedoms simplicity and slowing down bring outweigh productivity almost every time. The slow moments are the easiest to cherish, and we weren’t created to do all things for all people. I’m usually the Martha, whining to Jesus about all the Marys sitting around and doing nothing, when in reality, obedience looks like sitting around and doing nothing sometimes, ESPECIALLY at the feet of Christ. Thank you for this reminder today.
I tend to be a Martha, too. And I always hated that about myself. But God is showing me how He made me. And what parts need to change. Jesus loved Martha just as much as He loved Mary. When we remember that we are loved, we are much more open to His correction. Or at least I am!
Rebecca, been there, done that! And preparing dinner with busy children around…. To focus on one thing at a time reminds me of Jesus commending Mary for choosing the better. Great post.
I love this parallel!
I always enjoy my visits to your site, Rebecca! And I can so relate. I have never been a fan of multitasking and feel we can do better and often more when we give our full attention to one thing at a time. That being said, I can be dangerously singly-focused. 🙂 But when I focus on God, then everything else falls into balance. Blessings to you, my friend!
Isn’t that the key: focusing on God first! It makes all the difference!
After neurological testing last fall, the psychiatrist told me to avoid multitasking and I looked at him and said “you know I have to keep my job, right?” I feel like a failure in this area every day and I’m so glad to see at least I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing. And as always I leave your site encouraged ❤️
Oh, friend! That can feel so hard, especially when you have a doctor telling you this and it’s not realistic in everyday life. I once had a doctor tell me that I could prevent something if I just avoid pain. It’s not like I went looking for pain on an ordinary day! LOL So glad you’re here and we can encourage one another!
Oh this summed up how I feel lately with trying to get work done, take care of the house, juggle rooms when my husband has a meeting and making sure my kids are all set with their schoolwork!! Thank you for this!!! And thank you for linking up @worthbeyondrubies
There are so many things, aren’t there?! So grateful for God’s grace in the process!
Ah, yes, multi-tasking is harder than Hollywood makes it seem. Even when two things are happening at the same time, I have found that I can’t give my best attention mentally to more than one thing at a time. I’ve learned instead to intentionally multi-task. I do one mindful thing with a mindless thing. Dusting while listening to my child read aloud or folding laundry while listening to a podcast or talking on the phone. But more than 2-3 things is a recipe for stress which leads to disaster for sure. Thanks for reminding all of us that we can do it all, but not at once. #InstaEncouragements
What a great system! Love it!
Thanks for sharing this Rebecca. I have personally stopped multitasking, instead, I time-task. And like you said it is better to focus on one thing (anything) instead of everything.
I love that phrase — Time-Task. So good!
I can only multitask to a degree, and then it depends on what it is. I can listen to an audiobook while fixing my hair and music while cooking dinner. But any more than that, and none of it goes well and my brain hurts. Thanks for helping us realize we’re not alone.
It’s always so good to remember that!
I am so, so with you on this. I am a terrible multi-tasker. My sister and I talk on the phone and if I begin to do something else – she says you’re not listening to me. Caught again! Some young whippersnapper from the Trump Organization (yes, I worked for him in the mid-80’s and yes, he was a very fine man) taught me the secret of FOCUS. And, I have been practicing it every since!
FOCUS is so important, especially with people!
I hear you, Rebecca. I have no desire to be Superwoman. Although instead of multitasking, my life sort of resembles the “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” books. 🙂 Great post!
Love that perspective! I can totally relate!