In the days of youth group and young adulthood, church was a place full of life and experiences.
I went there to encounter God, and most of the time I did. It felt good and normal and expected, until it didn’t.
Fast forward a few years and I found myself home with two toddlers, a growing belly and terrible morning sickness. My ability to go to church to find God vanished and I was left with Sesame Street and IV fluids. Not exactly the high I was used to.
Getting through the day felt like climbing a mountain, and church felt like the moon. Click To TweetAnd somehow that made sense to me because that’s where God was, in the great vastness of the sky watching over everything from above.
Sunday became any other day except the programming on PBS wasn’t for kids so I had to switch to DVD’s. Life moved forward and time kept beating and the moon was still there, but as far away as ever.
Then something changed. I missed God. I missed church too, but there was a deeper longing that I had never felt or let myself sink into because church was always there to distract me.
I was longing for God. And it felt good.
I struggled with how it was possible to disappear from a church you were so involved in and what role the church played in my faith anyway. But when I quieted those questions I was left with a need for God. And when I suddenly looked around and realized there was no church to turn to for answers I had only one place to go.
God.
I looked around and realized there was no church to go to for answers. I had only one place to go. Click To TweetMaybe that seems simple. Maybe I should have started there to begin with. But God cares more that we get there than how windy the path we took was.
I’m learning what church is and what it isn’t. I’m learning how to balance my expectation for what church felt like at 20 to what it looks like in real life today.
And I’m learning to find my way back to church with God.
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This is beautiful. laurensparks.net
Thanks Lauren! Always glad to see you here!
The words to an old hymn came to mind as I read:
“Nothing between my soul and the Savior
So that His blessed face may be seen. . .”
Isn’t it odd that the church can sometimes be the thing we lean on and make an idol of instead of depending entirely upon God.
We do need a Savior!
Yes! There are so many things — good, good things — that I have turned into idols. I’m grateful that God turns me around with so much mercy every time. And I love the words from that hymn. So beautiful!
Good Morning, Rebecca! Firstly, I had to click over from the #tellhisstory link up because I thought “Now who done went and lost their faith?” 🤔 But I’m glad to see that it’s not what I thought. Secondly, I love how you’re able to communicate your thoughts succinctly. My post are twice as long at least. I cant seem to get my point across any other way. There’s a lesson here. LOL! 😉 Have a blessed week, friend!
Tiffiney, I wish we could sit across a table and have a cup of tea! I have a feeling we’d never stop talking! And thank you for your kind words. I try very hard to tell a story in only the words it requires. I could ramble on if I try though 😉
It’s actually such a blessing when any circumstance, as you mentioned, brings us to a realization that we need God more day to day. You can have times of purest worship when it’s just the two, you and God. Church is an extension of our walk but not the main life-line to Him. It’s great you shared your journey!! Visiting from #teaandwordlinkup
Yes! You are so right, April! It should be about our relationship with God first. Then we can make it richer with things like church (as we should!) and all the other amazing things He gives us.
Rebecca, I found “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore,” a fictional book, to be very refreshing for my journey. It shows how church is not so much a place as a people who encourage each other in the faith. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Hi Debbie, I’ve never heard of that book; I will definitely have to check it out! So often we get mixed up in our ideas of what church is and isn’t. You are exactly right that it is people, not a place! Maybe I need to remember that more often. Whenever we are with other believers we are with the Church!
I think there are some experience we have that not even church helps, more the personal time with Him.
Sometimes it feels easier to look to others in the church to fix things for us. But, for me, I think God wanted to show me to look to Him first and then to the Church.
God can find us, even when we are not in church. I have found that I need the community of my church family, and maybe someday you will too.
I agree completely! On all counts 🙂 Since I first wrote this, I have found (or am finding) my way back to church. It’s been a beautifully hard journey!
So glad God uses the ordinary things to bring us closer to him and make us realize I do need to gather and be the church!
Yes! It’s so much about BEING the Church, but first we need to BE with Him. So good!