When it comes to people I see great big circles drawn on the ground. The circles have labels like pretty or smart or athletic. And sometimes the circles even overlap. Everyone that fits in their circle finds their place. Yet, I am left standing on the outside for one reason.
I never fit into the right circles.
It’s true. I never quite fit. Not with the popular kids or the nerds. Not with the athletes or the artists. I was just there. I existed around the circles, running to see where I could fit.
I thought it would change when I grew up, but it’s not much different now. The circles change names, but that’s about all.
Grown-up circles.
There’s the popular group full of friends and activities and parties and playdates. In the church world the pastors and worship leaders fit here.
The nerdy group bent toward the philosophical or the engineering mind. Any hope of this level of intelligence went out the window with my first pregnancy.
The athletes have only changed in that they are CrossFit, runner, spinning fanatics that make me simultaneously jealous and tired (and leave me wanting to eat a donut).
The artists are this great blend of the cool kids with real smiles and the ones always in the know of the little café or flick or music on the scene.
Sure, there are more circles, but I’ve never found mine.
I wonder what it would even look like.
What would my circle look like?
How about “Insecure formerly smart girls who love their family and their faith but screw it all up on a regular basis?”
Is there a group for that?
I keep looking, but I never seem to find it. And most of the time I have to hide that I’m even looking. I mean you can’t go around waving a sign that reads: LOOKING FOR THE MESSY PEOPLE. Because then you do fit into a circle, but that one is just called CRAZY.
What if we were never meant for circles?
If we put our worth in what circle we fit in, it will only be for part of who we are.
Circles are like Slinkys and picking one is like picking a cross section of ourselves and declaring that small piece to be all that we are, all that we’ll ever be. (Because anyone who’s been through high school knows you just don’t up and change circles.)
So maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe high school created another false reality that became ingrained in our psyche. When I look at those circles I think of how great it would be to fit in one, but what if fitting in is actually keeping us fenced into a place we were never meant to stay forever?
Let’s step outside the circle.
Maybe if we step out of the circle we will see that the rings are invisible and we can go anywhere we are called.
Maybe we’re missing the only circle that ever mattered: HIS.
Think about this today:
- What circles were you in during high school?
- Are they different now?
- What can you consciously do today that is outside of your circle, but in HIS?
Prayer: I am so grateful that You have this big, big circle that we all fit inside. Help me erase these circles I’ve drawn and move more fully in the only one that is real. The one that gives me my value and shows me unending love and grace. Thank You for loving me fully. Amen
If you liked this post, you’ll love the devotional book Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are!
Rebecca,
I LOVED this post! I had to laugh out loud about the athletes becoming the CrossFit enthusiasts who leave you craving a donut lol.. And what is it with the skinny girls hogging the elyptical machines? This “well-rounded” girl thinks she should have “first dibs!” When it comes right down to it, I think we all come to the realization that we are not meant to fit it, but are called to stand out. The only way to stop searching for the “right” circle to fit into is to realize that we only need to live in the circle of God’s love and acceptance. Thanks for pointing us to where our true value can be found! Great post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
YES! You understand! LOL And I agree 100% — God’s love and acceptance is our circle 🙂
Loved this post, it made me smile, but I could identify with the truth within the writing – to be free to be ourselves in Jesus, in the circle of His embrace, no better place to be!
Amen, friend! Amen!
C S. Lewis had some disparaging things to say about circles too, and I have never been a fan.
Although, I do think that if we had the opportunity, we’d land somewhere near each other’s slinky…
You made me smile today, friend. SO grateful for you!
Thank you for the vulnerability. I think we can all relate. I love the idea of stepping outside the circle. That’s a very freeing idea and visual.
I’ve never been a “fit-inner.” I’ve always been comfortable with myself and though I enjoy the company of others I also enjoy my own company. Now that I’m 57 I am even more comfortable with this. I guess I don’t really see circles in that way anymore. A circle keeps out but it also keeps in. Those who are within may want out as much as some people want in. I see God’s love as open…more of a wiggly path.
This says it all; “What if we were never meant for circles?” I never fit either. The good news is that I always fit with God. Always!!