I’ve struggled with church over the years. I’ve written about it here. But as I keep pressing in to Jesus in all my mixed up feelings I made a choice to press in to the church too.
Why?
Because Jesus loves the church. Yes, we can get into discussions about the Church vs. the church. But at the end of the day Jesus loves both.
We’ve spent the summer talking about favorite things. Some are deep like this and some are light and fun like this. I’m including church in my favorite things because it’s one of God’s favorite things, and I want it to be one of mine.
While it hasn’t been easy, I’m choosing and learning how to make church a happier, healthier place for me.
Here are 3 things that are making a huge difference:
Relationships
The only way for me to feel comfortable and part of a church is if I am in relationship with the people in the church.
There is no way around this.
Yes, I could go in, smile and slip out at the end, but that only makes me an observer. It doesn’t make me part of what is happening in that space. If I want to be part of something I need to include myself in it.
I know this isn’t easy. I’m awkward and always feel like I’m an outsider (that’s why I’m putting this on my reading list.) Starting small has helped.
I started with one or two people and made an effort to have a short conversation with them each week. Then I stepped out more and connected with a few more people. I still don’t have tons of relationships in the church. But I am cultivating the ones I have and it is making all the difference.
A side note here is to serve. Seriously. It is the best way to meet people, connect, and be part of the church. Ask where the church needs help and step in. If it’s not a good fit, try something else. Serving is a great way to connect and make relationships within the church.
Forgiveness
People are going to screw up, let you down, and miss the mark, even in church. The best thing I’m learning to do is forgive.
Sure, we can hold onto offenses, point fingers, gossip under the guise of saying we will pray for them, but not one of those things draws us closer to one another or to Jesus.
Let’s be people that forgive generously. When it doesn’t make sense. When I don’t want to. When it isn’t deserved.
Forgiveness is an opportunity to know Jesus more intimately.
A side note here is that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. We should never stay in abusive or hurtful situations, but we are called to forgive as we heal and move on. If you are in a situation like that finding someone to talk to and pray with you can offer solid wisdom for you moving forward. Try here if you are in need of someone.
Expectations
I’m great at painting a picture in my head of how things should look. And then being upset when it misses the mark.
The worship should be longer.
The sermon should be funnier.
The kids ministry should be more engaging.
The donuts should be chocolate.
It’s silly really, the things we can come to expect from a church.
Yes, it is important to find somewhere that you feel comfortable and that feeds your soul (and sometimes your belly.) But setting expectations for all the things a church should be is like making a list of all the things a spouse should be. And then moving on because they miss the mark.
Our expectations of the church should be that they preach the gospel and love well. All the other things are just extras. If there is something you think could be different or better, offer to serve in that area instead of complaining.
Learn about the worship team and how it works.
Send the pastor some funny jokes (even if it’s just to brighten his or her day.)
Offer to help with the kids ministry.
Bring chocolate donuts each week.
When we serve in the church we serve Jesus.
How do you make church great?
Check out these great sites I’m linking up with: Literacy Musing Mondays, Purposeful Faith, Tea & Word Tuesday, Abounding Grace, Tell His Story, Porch Stories, Let’s Have Coffee, Worth Beyond Rubies, Moments of Hope, Tune in Thursday, Dance with Jesus, Fresh Market Friday, Faith ‘n Friends, Blogger Voices Network, Grace & Truth, Heart Encouragement
I struggle with wanting to go to church myself. But I agree with getting more involved in church rather than just sitting there. Awesome article!
It can be a struggle, for sure! But I’m so grateful that we can find ways to encourage one another and seek Jesus along the way!
These are excellent tips, Rebecca! I applaud you for courageously stepping outside your comfort zone to get connected in the church simply because you know it’s the right thing to do. May God honor your efforts quickly!
Thanks Jana! I love that we can all encourage one another!
It can be so lonely in church, if we’re not careful in these 3 areas! All 3 ways to make church great really work, if you let them.
Plugging in with relationships instead of sitting alone week after week is one I struggle with.
I can relate to that struggle. I am finding that I can make small efforts to reach out, sit with someone new, have a conversation. It makes a huge difference!
Great post! Chose you again from the LMM linkup. laurensparks.net
We just need to find a way to meet in real life and chat over coffee and a cookie!
Great advice, Rebecca! I too have a rough time with church. I’ve been reading a book about emotional agility, and the author’s words echo yours about the need to ditch our mental movies of what something should be like. This week I’m going to strive to NOT have expectations, but to simply attend, reach out, and see what happens.
That’s fantastic, Anita! Letting go of those expectations makes a huge difference. And being willing to go first, say hi, ask someone about their life. It’s worth it! (SIDENOTE: If if doesn’t go great the first time, don’t give up. Try again!)
These are great points! After struggling with church for years I’ve been part of a new church plant for the last three years and have truly grown to love my church. Making an effort to form relationships has been so important as has getting involved in serving.
That’s awesome! I’m so glad you’ve found a church that has been good for you!
Rebecca, I love the idea of not just being an observer (we have too many observers) but actually diving in and being part of what is going on it the church. Just Sunday a visiting preacher at our church said that statistically 80% of the church’s work is being done by 20% of its members. <— That's a sad statistic! And that picture of the ladies shaking hands in the pew. . . :-0 that is EXACTLY what the pews at my church look like. LOL
Pinned.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
It is sad. And I’ve been guilty of it. But God is showing me, little by little, the value of becoming part of the church.
Yes, Yes and Yes! I too struggled with church for many years! I am now plugged into a church and though it is not perfect, I have been so amazed at how much I love every bit of it. It is so good for me and my walk to have a solid Bible teaching church. Great Post Many Thanks!
Having that support is amazing as we walk through all the ups and downs of life! So glad you found someplace that you feel connected!
Great post, Rebecca! And yes, I’ve been one who looked for the church that matched all the expectations in my mind. God has shown me that often, my vision for the ideal church and His vision for the church that is the best fit for me and for my family are two very different things. 🙂 When I’ve yielded my expectations to His, God has always brought us to the perfect-for-us body of believers.
And one more thing: I LOVED THIS: Forgiveness is an opportunity to know Jesus more intimately.
So true.
Thanks friend! This faith thing is always about a yielding to Him, isn’t it?
Since I switched churches a few years ago, making new relationships has been harder. I was involved in a specific ministry for awhile, which made it easier, but now that has changed too. I have to be intentional, which isn’t always easy. Thanks for the encouragement here to keep at it.
It can be hard, for sure. I can relate (and I even lead a ministry!) But making those little choices add up to something great!
So great you touched on forgiveness, that is the heart of God right there! Love covers a multitude of sins…
Amen, amen!!!
Rebecca this is a great post! Sometimes we go into a church and then leave because we feel like WE did not get enough attention but there are times that we have to take steps to get involved and also meet people! You gave such amazing suggestions! Just going up to one or two people and saying hi and shaking hands makes a huge difference. And of course serving in the church is a great way to feel part of the church community! Thank you for this!! Sharing! Thank you for linking up @worthbeyondrubies
Thanks friend! It can feel really hard, for sure. But I am learning the best things usually do!
Of course, I love this because you wrote it AND laid this out so clear, and it’s true about forgiveness–AH. I feel like my Mary mindset allows me to glean and I don’t want to come in on my high horse. On the flip side, I used to be overly quiet and think less than of myself and NOT engage, It’s that middle ground–that common ground I want to live in, with people.
Somewhere, I read a mindset shift that helped me…when we go somewhere we can walk in like, “There you are!” instead of, “Here I am!” in our minds. It helped me, because as an overthinker, I’m in my head a lot and have to come out of that place prior to, or it seems like all I say are things flying from the tail-end of my last thought.
It leaves me feeling more empty rather than like I gave when I do this–because it’s not giving the other person a chance to enter the conversation from where they are. I get we need both, but yeah.
Asking questions has helped me connect too, and right now I’m in a place where I am asking forgiveness and trying to catch my heart for being jealous of not being the “askee.”
Isn’t that funny? Well….not really. It’s kind of annoying that it seems it’s taking me a while to learn. But I’m trying.
There is always a choice of which way our mind can go. I want to choose life!
Yes! I love that shift to say, “There you are” in our minds! We all have a lot to work on, but God is so good! He offers us so much grace in the process. I don’t know how He does it, but it’s pretty amazing!
As a long time “church lady,” I love the heart behind this post!
Let’s devote ourselves to investing in the church where God has planted us, making the commitment to do our part to help it become our “dream church,” and extending to everyone else the grace we desire for our own surly rough edges.
Oh, wouldn’t that be amazing?! Imagine if we could all extend the grace we long for!
I love this so much because you put the responsibility on ME, not the church to make it better. This is perfect timing because the class that I teach at my church ends in 2 weeks and I have 1 week left of my lesson material. I’ve been looking for something to teach on my final week and I think this is it. LOVE!
That’s awesome, Susan!!! I hope these little ideas spread into a wildfire that ignites people to love the church well!
“You get what you put into it.” I was just talking with the pastor’s wife yesterday because she was reaching out to me to lead a Bible study this Fall. I shared my concerns that young moms will show up but many times the thought of going deeper isn’t present because they don’t have the time. This is an area where my expectations get in the way. And when this happens I become frustrated. Thanks for your words today. You have given me more to think about.
It can be so hard, especially when we know it could be better than what is happening. But that is all in God’s hands. Praying for you as you make your decision and pour into women!
I love this Rebecca. I have worked in the church for nearly 20 years, and as much as we try we can never please everyone. The people who contribute to making our church wonderful rather than just complaining are gold. This is the family God calls us to be. Your practical wisdom in this post is wonderful. God bless.
Thank so much Christine!
Forgiveness is an opportunity to know Jesus more intimately.Love this line! Thanks for linking up with us at the #GatheringofFriendsLinkParty 4
Thanks Sylvia!