The idea of being everything for everyone is appealing, but it’s fatally flawed.
My husband offered to take the kids out and suggested I stay home and write. It sounds like a fantastic, generous plan. But somehow, I twisted it in my head and it became something else.
It became a finger pointing at me.
A finger that said, YOU…
are selfish.
are not enough.
are missing out.
Somewhere along the line I’ve adopted a notion that if only I can be everything to everyone, if only I can be at every game and every practice, if only I can help with homework and make cookies from scratch, if only I can do it all then I’ll be a good mom.
Little did I know I was setting myself up for failure. I had set a bar that was impossible to reach, but even worse I was attaching my worth as a mother to my actions.
I felt guilty taking time for me, and little by little I was disappearing, replaced by an image I projected of who I thought I should be for everyone else. Share on XBut God…
He didn’t design us to lose ourselves in other people. He designed us to use ourselves to bless people.
He didn’t design us for a life filled with guilt. He designed us to live in freedom and grace.
He didn’t design us to be someone else. He designed us to be the most beautifully flawed version of ourselves.
Little by little we can find ourselves, flawed and real and beautifully His.
Rebecca, this spoke to me. I especially loved this line:
“He didn’t design us for a life filled with guilt. He designed us to live in freedom and grace.”
So freeing!
I, too, often attach hidden motives to simple gestures from people. I’m praying God reveals this to me the next time I make myself miserable!
Isn’t freedom wonderful?! Now we just need to remember this truth in the moment. Glad we can help one another!
Great post! I remember reading in Jen Wilkin’s book, None Like Him that when we try to be everything to everyone, we are essentially trying to be omniscient, omnipresent, and Limitless … three non-sharable attributes of God. Only He can be perfectly everything to everyone and when we try, we either get prideful or we despair and feeling like a failure, understanding our limits is healthy and godly when we take what is out of our control and surrender it to him.
YES! This is so true. I love Wilkin’s perspective. I’ll let God be God!
Oh, how I saw myself in these lines–from the beginning lostness to the slow finding my way through. Thanks for sharing companionship and encouragement for the journey.
It’s always a blessing to find a friend on the journey!
But we can be just enough…if we let ourselves.
Yes! We sure can!
Such an important truth for all of us to internalize.
Thanks friend!
As always, you write to my soul, Rebecca! About 5 years ago, I realized that I’d disappeared. I felt like I was only an extension of my husband. It took a lot of time with God, but now I’m happier than I have been in a long time. This is my favorite part:
He didn’t design us to lose ourselves in other people. He designed us to use ourselves to bless people.
I am so happy that God has brought you a new freedom over the last few years! What a gift to be who He made you to be!
I love this statement Rebecca; “He didn’t design us for a life filled with guilt. He designed us to live in freedom and grace.” Amen!
From the other’s perspective, when our partner’s take our gestures of love wrongly or question our motives, it’s like a slap & hurts deeply. 😉
Bless you,
Jennifer
Yes, it sure does hurt. And we can’t wrap those hurts in a neat bow. But we can bring them to God, together!
When you are an empathetic person it is very hard not to try to “be everything to everyone” but it really is impossible. And as you said, this is not how God wants us to live. But if we are focused on God and use our talents and skills to encourage and to give God glory, He will bless those He puts in our path. And as we follow the path He leads us on we find true freedom and also ourselves in the process. Blessings to you, Rebecca! You are encouragement with your words.
Thank you Gayl! You’re so sweet!