I’ve written a lot about being real. Living authentic and being true to who God made us to be is at the core of my message. Grace upon grace.
I’ve even written about things I’m done apologizing for (which I still firmly stand behind and could probably add to). But in truth, I come across a lot of things that I am really very sorry about. This list is not at all exhaustive, but it’s a start.
1. Going to the Nurse
This one really goes out to my mom. And my grandparents. And even the nurse herself.
I spent a good deal of my time in the school nurse’s office. I wasn’t really sick. I was more sick of being somewhere I didn’t want to be than truly ill. My mom and the school caught on quick so I resorted to helping other kids escape by running the thermometer under hot water when the nurse wasn’t looking. Yes, I’m that old that we used real thermometers.
And yes, this apology may or may not be related to my ‘sick’ boy picked up from school recently who sat next to me drinking tea and eating a cookie. Maybe.
2. Making that Face
It’s the one I don’t even know I’m making most of the time. I read once to hold up a mirror when you’re angry. That’s what your kids see. I never got brave enough for the mirror. But I have a feeling I know the face. And I don’t like it.
I wish I didn’t get mad, but some days it’s just so hard! I would like to find a better way to handle my mad. Without the face. I should go back and read that book my daughter reminded me of one day when I was making that face. Yes, said daughter is still alive and well.
3. Worrying so Much
Worry. This is a biggie for me. Worry is just fear dressed up in more acceptable clothing.
I worry far too much. I really wish I didn’t. I know one more check of the sleeping kids will not prevent SIDS, but you never know. Never-mind that I haven’t had a kid in diapers in over six years. There’s too much to list here. Will be revisited in future posts. Moving on.
4. I Don’t Laugh More
Sometimes I’m wound so tight, responsible for 5 people and their food and clothes and calendars and rides and faith and friendships and general well-being.
I want to control so many things and I all too easily forget that I don’t need to control everything.
I wish I laughed more. I’m working on it. This may or may not have to do with #3.
5. Saying No
This one is tricky because I’m sorry, but not sorry.
I’ve been working hard to figure out what I am capable of, what works for me and what makes me (and my family) happy. I’ve said no to a lot of good things so I can say yes to the very best things.
I wish I didn’t have to say no, but I’m figuring me out. And one thing I know is that I need white space, empty calendar squares and time. Saying no isn’t a bad thing, but I do secretly wish I could do everything.
And for any times I’ve said no to making cookies, that was just wrong.
6. Fashion, Beauty and Decorating
It’s really simple. These are not my areas of expertise. They don’t come naturally at all. Shopping stresses me out. Deciding where to put something causes angst.
I really am sorry to my girls for not passing on a great fashion sense and killer beauty skills. At least they have You Tube.
So, if you see me just catching on to a trend from four years ago the truth is that it took that long to convince me it was worth trying. I’ll just be over here hoping boot leg jeans and the mom bob come back in style. It worked for leggings and pixies. I think.
7. Missing Date Night, Again
I know it’s important. I know we need time together. But sometimes getting 5 schedules to align plus fitting a babysitter in the mix is just too much for this wife.
I promise I make time with my hubby, but it’s a lot more likely to be watching NCIS on the couch than putting on heels and making a reservation. We’ll go out again before they’re 18.
Maybe it’s all about seasons.
I’m certain there are things missing from this list. But I also know that I don’t need to be something I’m not. And neither do you. Learning to be sorry for the right things matters. The best news? There’s so much grace.
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Very thought provoking.
I am also sorry for some of my no’s — the no’s of convenience that I gave my kids, not because what they wanted to do was wrong, but because I was fearful of what it might lead to. There’s so much grace for parents, and I missed a lot of it my early years…
Parenting is quite the experience, for sure. I think no matter what we do, it will always feel like it could have been different. I’m so grateful for the grace of God and that of my children!
I absolutely resonate with you, girl. My head was bobbing up and down throughout.
And yes, I did the thermometer thing so I could skip school in junior high.
Your writing reaches me each and every time you post. I’m so grateful you speak into my life …
😉
Yes! Another thermometer trickster! LOL I always wonder if the adults really knew.
And thank you for your kind words <3
Oh, I relate to so many of these myself, especially the worrying one. Also #6 – I definitely didn’t pass on fashion/decorating skills to my girls. But it makes me feel better to see that they’re both grown now and are doing fine in those departments themselves, despite my lack. 🙂 So I don’t worry about that one anymore.
I love not being the only one 🙂
Love this post, Rebecca! And you write with such earnestness, relatability and wisdom! I also love that you’re not afraid to admit where you’ve failed. A trait that is far too scarce these days! Pinning this today and scheduling to pin more in the days to come!
You are so incredibly sweet. Thank you so much, my friend.
I love your list posts. They are sooooo relatable! 🙂 I have said no to too many fun things my husband wanted to do through the years because I didn’t want to get out of my comfort zone. 🙁
I hear you! I say no to the hubby all too often for things that feel too spontaneous. I’m always looking at the things that need to get done. I’m learning the value of letting go
LOL, Rebecca! One time I didn’t want to go to school (I hated school, it was so boring) so I put the thermometer to the light bulb when my mom stepped out of the room. She came back and WHALA my temperature was 108! ha ha ha I was never meant for a life of crime!
And the faces thing—I used to get in trouble all the time in school for rolling my eyes. Now, I just use that eye-rolling emoji all the time!!! It’s the greatest!
This is a great post. It resonates with me in so many ways.
Pinned.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
That’s so funny!
I’m sorry I apologize so much, one day it hit me that I wasn’t supposed to be ashamed of the gospel, and I should be of me and what I do or say when I’m doing it in the right spirit, even if others don’t get it. And by the way I love makeup and decorating, I just don’t get to decorate as much lately.
That’s awesome that you are great with makeup and decorating. And yes, we don’t need to be ashamed of the gospel (although that’s not always easy)
I can identify with many of these things. I don’t think I ever did the thermometer thing — either I just didn’t think of it, or I was too afraid of getting caught and getting in trouble. I can remember my kids having a fair number of tummy aches that seemed better just after I agreed they could stay home.
I have said too many nos to things I was either afraid of or just didn’t want to extend myself to do. I definitely need white space in my days, and sometimes it’s hard to find the balance and wisdom between that and being available.
Our date night are usually at home, too. 🙂 Except on our anniversary.
I love white space 🙂
Yes, this list could very well be mine. Especially the face. My kids said they always knew they were in trouble by the face I made, lol. I can honestly say that I do not make that face too often now that they are older. Maybe I need to make it just to see if they remember it. Haha!
That’s so funny! I wonder what they would say?!
Ooooh, I’m with you, especially on #2 and #3! I know I make “that face” too. I need to stop it! I am also an inveterate worrier. My hubby says I worry enough for both of us. Learning to let God handle the problems of the world is something I need to do.
It’s so much easier to say than to do, isn’t it?! But God has so much grace for us in the process!
Rebecca,
Love this! Thanks for some laugh-out-loud moments!! Oh golly…my kids used to do an imitation of “that face” that I made. They used to tell me that my eyes got really wide open and kinda of bugged out. I’m sure it wasn’t pretty from their end. They, too, survived. Worry and control…it’s taken many years for God to pry my white knuckle grip off trying to maintain control. I finally had to come to grips, and learn through experience, that even if the worst possible scenario happened, God would be right there to walk me through it. I kind of had to face my worst fears and know that God was even bigger than they were. Saying “No”. A wise woman said to me that if I kept saying “Yes” to everything (even things that weren’t on my enthusiastic list) then I was robbing someone else of their opportunity to serve and use their giftedness. I’ve learned to say “No” a lot more. I have a lot of regrets, but I take encouragement in knowing that God will fill in the gaps of my weakness with His awesome “enoughness”. He’s good that way!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Your friend had a lot of wisdom to share 🙂
So grateful He is enough and I don’t have to be!
xo
I’m going to stand by your not being sorry for saying “no.” I also am the person who needs to see blank squares on my calendar. I do best when I have had alone time to recharge so I can be my best for the “yeses.” I wasn’t always this way but find I am the best version of me when I say “yes” because it is what God wants and not just a way to please someone else.
Saying yes when God wants us to is always the best!
Another wonderful list, Rebecca. I am so grateful for God’s grace on each and every mistake I have made. I am sorry I said no to banana splits for dinner. Seriously. I can remember my kids asking and how I wish now I had said “yes”. It would have made a lasting memory.
Ice cream for dinner is a fun treat for sure, but I know it feels hard when you’re the mom making the decisions all.the.time. Maybe it’s a good time to have a fun dinner together!
I really enjoyed that. I love the simplicity of your list. We’ve all got our own lists, don’t we?There’s definitely a few on yours that I could add to mine. By the Grace of God we go on. xx
It’s all by His grace!